Monday, July 14, 2008

Walter: Poop Eater

We were at my Mom's this weekend helping her with her extravaganza of a lawn sale and while I was trying to con an extra two bucks out of some old man for a rusty wrench and trying to encourage this other guy named Phil to buy a desk he clearly did not need or want, but in the end bought anyway for the discounted price of $25, I received this voice mail message from Annie at A Good American Wife, who I believe is one of the straight-up coolest people I've met in these here parts of the blogsphere and clearly writes one of the best food/parenting/humor blogs around.

That said, she's also a little kooky. And when it comes to Walter, her freakishly adorable son perhaps a bit, ya know, kookier.

This is the unedited voice mail. I think the hysteria speaks for itself.

Oh my God, Kim! It's Anne and Walter...Walter just ate a huge hunk of his own poop...How disgusting is that?...So disgusting...Anyway, I'm just calling to see if this ever happened with your girls?...Anyway, um, should I call the pediatrician?...I'm kind of embarrassed...I'm thinking it's pretty common though, right?...Kids kinda eat their own poop, right?...Once in,I don't know, it seems like one of those gross kid things, I don't know...I don't know what to do, so I thought I'd call you and...oh! the worst thing is he seemed to LIKE it!...I tried to get it out of his mouth and he was crying and finally, eh, I just let him swallow it...Anyway, yeah, give me a call if you have a chance...Bye.

Okay, so this was like the best voice mail I've ever gotten and I was laughing so hard that I nearly gave away a hand-made afghan that my great grandmother's cousin made in the early 1900's for like $5. But then, I got hold of myself and called Annie and gratefully, the poop had not welled up in Walter's stomach and caused some kind of catastrophic blockage or something.

Because if it did, all that laughing would have been pretty inappropriate.

Anyhoo, by thetime I got to her, Walter was all content and sitting around basking in the high of having eaten his first poop and having successfully prevented Annie from doing that horrible mother-thing where we fish stuff out of their mouths with our huge, honking fingers and embarrass them in front of their toddler friends at their play dates. And it appeared that Walter was kind of enjoying the pungent after taste, since poop has a bit of a kick after it hits the back of the tongue.

Or so I've heard.

So, feeling a bit like we saved Walter from the throes of a poop contagion, I offered Annie my theories on poop. I have some.

Here they are - I don't think you get to have a kid without them eating a little poop along the way. I think a kid that doesn't eat his poop will never grow up to be a rocket scientist or win the Nobel Prize for Literature. I think Einstein ate his poop. I think Martha Stewart ate her poop. Maybe she still does - wrapped in a tasty little fritter and served with a little tomato chutney. Who knows?

I think a kid that won't even try his poop, probably won't be a very adventurous eater or a very adventurous anything. I think poop-eaters are creative geniuses in the making. I think they may grow up to be the kind of people who will eat a live tarantula on a TV game show and then win $100,000 and bring it home to their parents and say, "Thanks for letting me eat my poop, Ma...This money is for you and all the things you've done for me for the last 18 years."

I don't know why but I think eating your poop is a good sign of things to come. If nothing else, you can truthfully, and a little smugly, tell the other Mothers at "Mommy and Me" that your kid, does in fact, eat ANYTHING. Congrats Annie, you and Fred (of Art Dada fame, a really hilarious, fresh art and parenting blog. Run there and check him out) have yourselves an adventurous eater.

Oh yeah, but my kids never ate their poop.


xxoo YM

PS Not.



SaintTigerlily said...

In stitches at my desk.

Laughter is not allowed in my office.

If I'm sacked I have only one person to blame. :)

Krysta said...

Pooopy eater! I so need to hear this voice mail!

Annie K. Nodes said...

I'm happy to report that Walt is still his happy, poopy breath self. When we named him Walter we knew the book, "Walter the Farting Dog" may cause some teasing problems for him later on. But this? This he did to himself.

Sharon said...

Haha! I clicked over from Annie's blog. I'm sure Walter will love to read this story when he's in his teens. I agree with Krysta. I'd love to hear this voicemail :)

melissa said...

Oh wow. Kids do that? O_o I guess I'm still a bit naive.

And yeah, it's funny. But it's only funny because it didn't happen to me. ;P

Izzy's Mama said...

Talk about disGUSting!! What I want to know is how he got it? I'm with you Yummy Mummy..this is definitely my first brush with poop eating..Had Izzy even considered putting that on the menu I surely would have freaked!! And I thought I had seen it all this weekend when my friend's two-year old peed down her leg and when my friend went to check, a large mushy poo rolled right out of her undies, right onto the sidewalk in front of Izzy and me. He is still talking about it.

Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

My dog eats poo, but thankfully none of my five boys has ever thought of the idea. Boogers? Yes. Ear wax? Check. Dog food? Heck yeah. Crickets? Yeppers. (And I video taped THAT one...) Mercifully, though, poo has not been on the menu.

Annie K. Nodes said...

Walt had a diaper malfunction. Stuff was leaking out the side. When I went to change it, I guess a few stray pieces rolled out and he managed to pop one in his mouth.

Just another incident where the Powers That Be remind me that I'm not a perfect mother. You know what, Powers That Be? I get it. Go bug someone else who doesn't.

The Yummy Mummy said...

First, let me just say that I have "the voice mail" saved on my phone and I envision that one day we will hold some informal blogger event here in NYC and we will all get drunk and huddle around the phone listening to Anne warble on about the poop.

This is my dream.

Second, I am reinforcing what I said in my blog - Life is messy. Poop is messy. Kids eat their poop. Kids are messy. Messy is fun. Poop is a hoot. Kids and poop together are messy. Poop in the kids mouth is not fun, but inevitable. And messy.

There. My philosophy of life.

And Annie - I have a kid who eats her boogers and likes it. And does it in front of company just to get a reaction. I am the proud mother of messy children.

And about perfect mothering - no one wants a perfect mother. That would be oppressive and maddening. Kids want a mom like you - imperfect, fun, flexible, messy, hilarious, life-embracing, creative, loving, not-insane.

And not drunk every night by 8.

Again, my philosophy on life.


Homesick Texan said...

I'm absolutely certain I never ate my poop, so that probably explains why I'm so anal--I'm repressed! Oh well, a bit too late to start now. Sigh.

Krysta said...

I think just hearing that voice mail will be worth the price of a plane ticket!

Yes, I agree we should all be imperfect moms!

Christine said...

You know what is so funny, that just yesterday my boyfriend was telling me how he walked in on his little sister eating her own poop when she was under a year old. Making him all of four. He was amazed that he remembered it so well.

And what prompted this vivid memory? My shared ginger icecream. He is not a fan. Because he sucks.

Also, I already heart Annie and want to steal Walt's onesie to make a fine tee for myself.

avra said...

I laughed, I cried, I silently thanked my sons for not having indulged (yet) in poop eating. Never say never, though...

mom2four said...

You don't know me, but I have never laughed at anything so hard in my life...really...I've laughed tears before, but this was a waterfall! You should SO send this in to the I am SURE it would be made into a video!

There are no words to describe how funny this was!

Anna said...

When my brother was about 3, he went through a phase of being addicted to those little cartons of Sun-Maid raisins. Pottering around in his bedroom, my mother came across a small raisin on the floor, blew the dust off and popped it in her mouth. Can you guess where this is going yet? He was potty-training at the time... o.O

Lori said...

Ok, so I found this particular blog after googling "kid ate poo." My precious 16 month old daughter just came and found me and had poo all over face and hands. I discovered that my 3yo dude had an accident on the floor and I guess my daughter was adventurous. I am still trying to hold my breakfast down, but their doc says it's "normal" and if she she does get sick to call them if it is more than 24 hours.
I am none to thrilled with how my day began...

The Yummy Mummy said...

Hi Lori -

I kind of love that you found me by googling "kid ate poo". I guess it could be worse!

You know, it is frightening and not the best start to the day, but as my husband says, "It'll just enhance their immune system."

I'm not sure if it's true. But just go with that.

Let me know how she does...