Butter-Roasted Brussel Sprouts: The Thanksgiving Boycott

I was going to give you my secret recipe for what I believe are simply the best brussel sprouts in all of the whole free world, but I am boycotting Thanksgiving.

Okay, I'm not really boycotting Thanksgiving. But I am a food writer and this year, I am not cooking for the holiday. We are going out for dinner at a local German restaurant in the country where the schnitzel is hot and the waitresses wear lederhosen. I kid you not.

And that is as good as boycotting the holiday.

I love to cook, to be in the kitchen with a ladle in one hand, a glass of wine in the other, flour in my hair and a smear of creme fraiche down the front of me...but not this year. This is the last year that Lucy will be four, the first year she spends all day at school and comes home with ideas so curious and wondrous and amazing that I barely recognize her and everything that comes out of her mouth.

It is the last year Edie will be home with me before she is off to a full day of school. And with two houses that simultaneously look as if bombs were dropped on each, my writing, and all the jobs and obligations that keep me bouncing around the house unable to sit for just a couple minutes, I want to give her my real attention. I want to give her eye contact, hand holding, impromptu hugs and more of that look I get on my face when she says, "Mommy, I love you so much I have to fall down".

I believe she will like this more than turkey. Even a deep fried one.


I want to not fret over the gravy or the new cranberry dish that no one will eat anyway because two people actually like cranberry, and sit for hours with my kids and my husband just being and not worrying about things that need to get done and lists that need to be checked off for me to feel better. I want to watch my mother teach Lucy to knit and do one of those really boring, impossible-to-finish 1000 piece puzzles laid out on a card table in the middle of the living room.

I want to just listen to them, to their laughing, their knock-knock jokes that make zero sense, their long-winded explanations about why they shouldn't go to bed. I want to hear it all and with the solid resolution that I don't need to be anywhere else, do anything else, pay attention to anything else in the world, unless we decide to do that together.

These past few months, I've been really missing my kids. Their babyhood is slipping away from me. I can feel it. I don't want to stop them from moving ahead, I just want to relish what I have right now for a few days. And a single dinner seems a small price to pay for such a luxury.

That's what I want for Thanksgiving. I hope you get what you want from yours...Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

xo YM

P.S: If you get a chance, be sure to visit Liz Weiss at Meal Makeover Moms. I did an interview over there for her "No Whine with Dinner" column. Liz makes me sound nearly coherent when discussing food. I appreciate that.

PPS: Oh all right, here's the best brussel sprouts on the planet...You won't want to eat them any other way.
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Butter-Roasted Brussel Sprouts

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Boil a pan of salted water.

Peel off outer layer of the sprout, trim off the ends and cut into quarters.

Throw them in the pan of boiling water. Par boil them for 3-4 minutes. They should be a bright mossy green. Scoop them out of the water and lay them out in a baking pan.

Melt 1/2 to 3/4 stick of unsalted butter depending on how many sprouts you have and how soon you want to keel over from heart failure. Douse the sprouts in butter. Really roll them around. Add salt and pepper - be generous. Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes. You really want them over-roasted, so the ends are brown and crinkly and starting to turn up. If they don't look brown and crispy, leave 'em in a little longer. You can add a little more salt if they need it.

Stand at the stove and just eat the buttery nuggets with your fingers.

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Shrimp Rolls & Cilantro Dipping Sauce

I made this dish last night after dragging two tired, screeching children around the Upper West Side looking for rice paper so I could make a cold shrimp roll with cucumber, mango and cilantro. I had a hankering and I thought the kids would love it. As you know, we are BIG on the shrimp around here.

It's weird when you go into an Asian grocery and you have to explain what you use to make a shrimp roll. I mean, shouldn't they be explaining it to me? But it turns out, half the people who work in Asian groceries on the Upper West Side are Hispanic and only speak Spanish. And I'll be damned but I couldn't remember how to say rice paper in Spanish.

This all amounts to me screaming "papel de arroz!" over the din of my wailing, unhappy children and about 10 different guys shrugging their bewildered shoulders and saying, "Yo no se!"

So, I changed plans. I shelved the cucumber and the mango and pulled some egg roll wrappers out of the freezer. I went from healthy and fresh, to fried and fatty and awesome in like two seconds flat.


David loved them and ate every one in his near vicinity, including the ones I saved out for his lunch the next day. The girls turned their nose up at them as if I had offered them some kind of liver terrine. Liver terrine with poop on top.

Weirdly, I think they felt the egg roll presentation tainted the shrimp they love so dearly and so, they turned their adorable little noses up at even those. Then, to really rub salt in the wound, they jumped up and down on the couch as if to make it quite clear that they were boycotting dinner and wanted me to know that I had failed to give their little bodies' sustenance. Then, they just pretended I didn't exist.

I got the message.

But you should not listen to my crazy children and make these lovely, crispy rolls with the dipping sauce, which is salty and pungent and gives the rolls just a little kick in the pants. And Lord help, me we all need a good kick in the pants once in awhile.

FYI, I ate the remaining dipping sauce over cellophane noodles at like 11pm while watching the last season of "Madmen" (I'm only on episode 4, so don't tell me) and it was pretty satisfying.

I do believe these rolls would be great cold right out of the fridge the next morning with my ice cold tea, but they didn't stay around long enough for me to find out.

xo YM
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Shrimp Rolls

Ingredients

12 egg roll wrappers
¼ cup vegetable oil (for frying)
1 pound of medium cooked shrimp, peeled, deveined & cut into small pieces. (Not minced. I like a little chunk)
4 green onions, finely chopped (some of the green is fine. It'll add flavor and a nice color)
1 clove garlic, grated
1/2 teaspoon ginger, grated (Go easy on the ginger. Too much will overpower the delicate shrimp)
1 good-sized wad of fresh cilantro, minced (Be generous. Cilantro is a good thing)
Juice of half a lime (I only had a lemon and that worked just fine)
1 tablespoon light soy sauce
A pinch of salt
A pinch of pepper
A 1/4 cup of Panko bread crumbs (this sounds weird, but I didn't have cornstarch and this bound up the shrimp nicely and provided a subtle texture inside the roll)

Preparation

Cook shrimp in boiling salted water. About three minutes or until shrimp just turn pink. Don't overcook. Or if you bought cooked shrimp, feel good that you saved yourself some time.

Combine all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix together with your hands.

Dip the egg roll wrapper in the warm water under the tap, just until it feels pliable and easy to work with. Lay wrapper on your work surface and place about 1 1/2 tablespoons of shrimp filling in the middle of the wrapper. Roll in edges and tuck over sides to make your egg roll. I think this is intuitive. You know what an egg roll looks like, you can probably figure out the best way to wrap it. If not, I'm sure YouTube has 3,000 videos of people properly wrapping egg rolls.

Cover egg rolls with a damp towel until you are ready to fry. Heat oil in a wok (or pan) until oil shimmers.

Working in batches, fry egg rolls until they are golden brown on both sides, about 2 minutes on each side. They cook quickly so keep an eye out. I think it's a no-brainer to say that I stop short at letting the kids help with the frying. Boiling oil in a wok and children makes me nervous.

Remove rolls with tongs. Let drain on paper towels before serving

Cilantro Dipping Sauce

Ingredients

5 tablespoons fish sauce
Juice of a half a lemon (or lime)
1/2 teaspoon of sugar
A splash of sesame oil
A small pinch of salt
A hit of cilantro, finely chopped

Preparation

Combine in a small bowl and serve on a platter next to the rolls, cut on the diagonal and piled on top of one another, with a flourish of cilantro leaves.

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Roasted Onions with Gruyere & Croutons

Dear SaintTigerlily,

Thank you for coming to our "country house" this weekend and blessing us with your urban presence. I hope the carpenter ants and the ladybugs hibernating in the windows didn't bother you too much. Finding bugs in your bed is really the country experience. We just wanted it to feel "authentic" for you.

And speaking of country living, the tutus you hand-made for the girls are absolutely divine, they adore them and they keep asking if you can be their mom, so I appreciate that and all, but maybe next time you should wear underpants under the tutu when you take the garbage down to the road. I mean, you have a really nice ass and the neighbors really liked your vagina showing (You go with that Brazilian, girl!) but you know, this is the country and people are a bit more under-stated, practical...boring here. They like to wear pants.

They keep the beaver under wraps. It's beaver politics. Very sensitive. So for future reference, Tigerlily, pants = good.

And it was good of you to bring Ross and Gillian, Ross makes a mean Manhattan and since he was dolling them out like candy at the party Saturday night, I think we can say that it was a huge success because every grown-up was completely two ass cheeks to the wind by 8pm.


I bet that's why I found the grown-ups and the kids together playing with Playdoh on the kitchen floor at 10pm. I didn't want to mention this before, but the kids thought maybe things got out of hand when the adults started pitching Playdoh balls at them. I mean, they're just kids, not space invaders. Not for reals anyway.

And the way Ross and The Boss (Hey, how cute! That rhymes!) were cackling maniacally before pelting them with Playdoh submachine gun fire, well, that might have been a little scary. But other than frightening the children, and undermining their innate sense of security and safety, something we have been nurturing every day for the last 5 years, well, that whole completely inebriated stupor thing worked out for everyone.

That said, you guys are all a hoot and The Fosters had an awesome weekend. I'm including here the "Roasted Onions with Gruyere and Croutons" recipe from Bon Appetite that we made for the dinner party. This dish went nicely with the roasted leg of lamb that the butcher said was boneless but wasn't - butchers lie, they are evil in meaty white coats - and the roasted root vegetables and salad, which I mistakenly dotted with fat lumps of goat cheese, much to the chagrin of the vegans. I really, truly suck at this hostessing, pleasing people thing.

Tigerlily, thank you for prepping all these onions and being a friend in and out of the kitchen. It is so fun and such an honor to cook with you. And to also see how great your tits are up close and personal every morning. They really are awesome natural wonders and seem to stand up one their own without a bra. It's like they are oblivious to gravity and all other rational and scientific forces on earth....um, hope that's not too much in the sharing department.

xo YM
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This recipe from the December 2009 issue of Bon Appetite is easy to make, can mostly be made ahead and is the perfect hearty side dish for a big dinner. Leftovers are also wonderful in frittatas or topped with cheese and bacon on a bagel and fired in the oven. You could totally add this to your Thanksgiving repertoire since you could prep and caramelize the onions the day before and just throw the pan in the oven for 20 minutes before dinner. I bet they're better if you make them the day before anyway.


Roasted Onions with Gruyere & Croutons

Ingredients

12 white pearl onions, peeled
12 red pearl onions, peeled
8 large shallots, peeled, halved through root end
6 large green onions, dark green tops trimmed
2 medium sweet onions (such as Vidalia), peeled, cut into 3/4-to 1-inch wedges through root end
1 large red onion, peeled, cut into 3/4-to 1-inch wedges through root end
1 brown-skinned onion, peeled, cut into 3/4-to 1-inch wedges through root end
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 cups coarsely torn 1/2-inch pieces rustic bread with crust
1 cup low-salt chicken broth
6 ounces Gruyère cheese, coarsely grated (about 1 1/2 cups packed)
Sea salt flakes or crystals
print a shopping list for this recipe

Preparation

Preheat oven to 450°F. Combine all onions and shallots in large bowl. Drizzle evenly with olive oil, then sprinkle with thyme, coarse salt, and pepper; toss gently to coat. Spread out in single layer on large rimmed baking sheet.

Roast onions until tender and beginning to brown in spots, 25 to 30 minutes. Scatter bread pieces on another rimmed baking sheet. Bake bread until golden brown, 7 to 8 minutes. Cool bread on baking sheet. Arrange onions in single layer in large casserole dish. DO AHEAD: Onions and croutons can be made up to 1 day ahead. Cover onions and refrigerate.

Store croutons in airtight container at room temperature. Bring onions to room temperature before continuing.

Preheat oven to 400°F. Spoon broth over onions to moisten. Scatter croutons over; sprinkle with cheese. Bake until heated through and cheese is melted, about 20 minutes. Sprinkle with sea salt flakes and serve.

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If a Couple of City People Open a Wine Bottle in the Woods & No One is There to See it, Did They Really Open The Bottle?

So, the moral of this post, before I even get started, is "When you buy a house in the country - and you can't run across the street to the bodega to buy a corkscrew or go knock on the door down the hall at 11pm to get your half-naked, nearly-asleep neighbor in his underpants and black socks to open your bottle - make sure you buy a freakin' corkscrew or your only chance of having a nightcap is going to be to lick the rubbing alcohol bottle in the bathroom."

I just had my heart set on a glass of wine. David was not going into to town to buy me a corkscrew. I was too damn lazy to even consider it and I'm afraid of the dark so being outside with all the rabid raccoons wandering around ready to pounce on me was out of the question.

And I was pissed that I actually went to the trouble to buy a bottle and was now only able to stare at it on the kitchen counter. The bottle mocked me.

Then, I had a thought...Surely, we weren't the first people dumb enough not to own a corkscrew. I mean, there are, like, millions of idiots in the world, right?


And this is where You Tube comes in. I search the site for "How to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew" and I learn that there are a bunch of good ways to go about doing this. One of which involves a tree if you are ever without a corkscrew at say, a romantic picnic in the woods, and you're trying to get laid, so going back to civilization will cramp your plans for heavy petting in the bushes.

I filmed this method below which was perfect for middle aged people who just tore out kitchen cabinets and had a bunch of tools laying around. Romantic picnics are for wusses anyway and I prefer to do my heavy petting indoors, thank you. I'm leaving the tree method for you youngsters.

Notice how McGyver my husband is on this video and how excited that gets me. And notice how cool and laid back David is while I act like he had performed a Pope-certified miracle. I showed him the video and he decided that he looked like a complete jerk and he remarked that now that I have this Flip Video Camera, nothing is scared or safe from public viewing anymore.

Er, yeah, something like that, Sweetie.



Did you notice the kids are watching the You Tube Video that taught us this great idea (which I would've linked here but I couldn't find it again)? You can hear it playing on the computer. And since they watched it like 36 times, start to finish, they actually are the only preschoolers in the tri-state area who can now recite all the steps for opening a wine bottle with a hammer and a screw.

My kids are so cool.

Lucy plans on doing a full demo at show and tell. The Mommies at preschool are gonna lurve me now.

And please don't ask me what's on Lucy's head. I have absolutely no idea.

xo YM

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"To Hell with Summer" Seafood Chowder

And with Autumn comes the simplicity and joy of just playing in the leaves...



And also chowder. This recipe will warm you on those chilly days, but is not nearly as heavy as braising something. I'm not quite ready for the heavy winter braising. This chowder will remind you of days with more sunlight and less frost and things that are green, yet, will warm you right to the bone. Just perfect for right after jumping in a fat pile of leaves.

As an aside, I load this recipe with prawns. My kids always ask for extra prawns and if there isn't enough, there's hell to pay. And, as you know, I always avoid the hell to pay.

xo YM


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"To Hell with Summer" Seafood Chowder

Ingredients

6 ounces meaty salt pork, rind removed or slab bacon, and diced
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 medium onions
6 to 8 sprigs fresh thyme, chopped
A pinch of tarragon
1 dried bay leaf
2 lbs small red potatoes, skin on, sliced into quarters
5 cups shrimp stock (See Note 1)
Kosher or sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 lb skinless haddock, catfish, monk fish or cod fillets, preferably over 1 inch thick, pinbones removed (See Note 2)
2 lbs of uncooked, shrimp with shells on (use shells for stock)
1 1/2 cups heavy cream (depending on how thick you want your chowder)
8 chives, cut with scissors into fine pieces
Several handfuls of fresh or frozen corn
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley (garnish)
2 tablespoons minced fresh chives (garnish)

1. Cooking Note: Shrimp stock can be made simply from the shells of the shrimp you are using for this recipe. Just add to a pot whole a small whole onion, 2 whole carrots and a few stalks of celery. Sweat them a little in oil and butter. Add shells to the aromatics. Sweat those for a couple minutes. Add a little splash of white wine, if you want. Salt and pepper. Add water. Let simmer - but not boil - for a half hour. Voila! Home-made shrimp stock. Betcha cant' buy that at Whole Foods! I usually make this the day before so I'm not making chowder and stock at the same time.

2. Cooking Note: You can use any combination of your favorite seafood - don't let me box you in - clams, scallops, mussels, lobster, go nuts. Just make sure you know cooking times for the seafood you choose. You don't want a pot of over-cooked shrimp and under-cooked lobster. If you need help with that, ask your fish guy. They usually know.

Preparation

Heat a soup pot over low heat and add the diced salt pork or bacon. Cook until the pork is a crisp golden brown. Use a slotted spoon to transfer the cracklings to a dish, leaving the fat in the pot.

Add the butter, onions, thyme and bay leaf to the pot and sauté, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon, for about 8 minutes. The onions should be soft and caramelized, but not fried.

Add the potatoes and stock. The stock should cover the potatoes. If it doesn't add water. Bring to a boil, cover, and cook the potatoes vigorously for about 10 minutes, until they are soft on the outside, but firm in the center. Smash a few potatoes against the side of the pot and cook for a minute or two longer to release their starch. This will thicken the broth a bit.

If you feel you have too much broth and your chowder might be too soupy, remove some broth with a ladle to a bowl and set aside. You can always add more to the pot if you need it. If you end up having extra broth, freeze it for your next chowder.

Reduce the heat to low and season with salt and pepper. Add the fish fillets and cook over low heat for a couple minutes. Add corn at the same time. Remove the pot from the heat and allow the chowder to sit for 10 minutes. The fish will finish cooking in the pot.

Gently stir in the cream and taste for salt and pepper. You can refrigerate the soup and reheat later or eat it immediately but I like to let it sit a bit. Just don't stir it a lot or you'll break up the fish. This recipe cannot handle lots of fussing. Just season and leave it.

Add cracklings. Serve with minced chives and parsley, either in individual crocks or in a single pot brought right to the table.

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