Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Martha Stewart Has a Blog

Martha's blog is going to keep me in material for some time to come.

Actually, it isn't Martha writing, of course. It's her sister and executive assistant "capturing her voice". This is a bit like finding out that the Santa at the mall is really the unemployed fat guy who lives two streets over, but I get it - Martha, like the real Santa, has bigger things to do.

She has ferns to re-plant and boxwoods to cover before the first big snow and she has holiday centerpieces to construct out of figs, candy canes and bits of leftover holiday ribbon. She has to inspire me to mop my floors more often.

I've been perusing her site. Here are some thoughts that popped into my head:

This is a picture of "doorman gifts" that Martha's daughter, Alexis, is giving out.
Note to Alexis: Your doormen want CASH, not toffee.

This is Martha's cellar...Notice the floors.
Now, look at all the long-haired cats lounging on WHITE towels.
Nary a hairball or stray piece of fur.
It's like she lives on some kind of clean planet where dust and grime don't exist.

This is Martha's freakishly organized basement.
I give this system 15 minutes before Lucy has unrolled all of the spools of ribbon and yarn and trailed them through the house.

My children run wild through the house naked,
but Martha has time to dress the cats for a party.

Paw Paw thinks Mama Martha has a leeetle too much time on her hands.

I think the face says it all. This guy is bound for doggy therapy.

This is Martha's guest house.
I'm imagining staying here with the kids - Lucy picking flowers out of the vase and walking around with them pretending to be a princess, with water dripping all over the carpet and pulling the petals off and grinding them into the chair cushions to make "flower soup" and Edie dribbling breast milk all over the white bed linens. Then, Edie pees on something priceless. Then someone bleeds. Next, I'm standing in front of Martha confessing and she gives me a 20 minute demo on the best way to get blood out of sheets.

Ahhh! The perfect weapons for Lucy - a crystal vase, water and delicate,
but sword-like candle sticks that could be used to impale her sister.
It's a veritable playground inside Martha's house.

xxxooo YM



Veronica said...

Look at those threads hanging down, how does the cat contain itself from swatting at them?

Maybe her floors have electro-magnetic fields around them to deflect the cat hair.

It scares me a little. She MUST live somewhere else and just have that one for photoshoots.

Sweet Pea Chef said...

Thank you for saying what all of would be thinking if we saw these same photos. The hats on the cats (should I be rhyming for this comment?) must be the result of some serious kitty valium.