Monday, June 23, 2008

86 More Tortillas to Go & Why You Should Never Use Your Husband's Underwear As A Potholder

Edie. I mean, Kahlia.

Still no sign of the CSFB (Sexy but Competent Finnish Babysitter), who I'm sure is living it up on the beach or something and barely even remembering that I exist or that work is piling up or that I need a shower. Badly.

How do you Mom's without sitters ever get to take a shower? Are you that smelly? Seriously, do you just over-perfume to mask the smell? Tips, people. I need tips. My pits are like rotting cabbages.

First, let me tell you something interesting that happened today while I played the role of dutiful mother. Lucy re-named her sister. Her name is no longer Edie.

It's Kahlia.

Lucy spent the whole day bestowing Kahlia with gifts, like a Betty Boop necklace she found at the bottom of the toy box, and walking her around the house, holding her hand, stroking her hair and speaking to her in a wispy baby voice as if she were fragile china and might break at the slightest elevation in volume.

Kahlia actually gets better treatment than Edie, so Edie went with it. Later, Edie sticks a form in front of me, hands me a pen and asks me to make it legal. Okay, that last part wasn't true, but she relished being Kahlia and followed Lucy around the house letting her pet her head like a dog and put little presents in her pockets.

The best part was when Lucy decided to help Khalia board a plane for Croatia. There was a protracted discussion about seat belts. Some snacks. And a flight attendant named Phyllis, who had a limp and required an imaginary Diego band aid to get through her service.

Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up.

So that, in a nutshell, was my day.

Oh! I am writing a food/humor/parenting column over at Imperfect Parent. The folks at Perfect wouldn't hire me.


So, check it out because I tell the story of this morning's breakfast where I make Breakfast Burritos, but I lose the pot holder and so I grab the nearest cloth, which happens to be David's boxer briefs, out of the laundry basket and I use them as a pot holder/dish towel and actually make breakfast using his underwear to keep the skin from being singed off my hand and I eat breakfast with them draped over my shoulder, but not only do I not notice, no one else does either.

Really, not having a shower today is not the biggest problem I have.

Anyway, if you are thinking, Breakfast Burrito because your husband purchased $70 worth of carb free, fat free, dry as communion wafers tortillas and had them shipped across the country, burning countless gallons of fossil fuels and endangering the environment...

...Right, that was my husband. Well, then this is the recipe for you.

xxoo YM


The Yummy Mummy's "We Gotta Eat $70 Worth of Tortillas" Breakfast Burrito

Make an omelet. Or even a frittata will work. Not too thick, since you'll have to cut a slice and roll it in a tortilla. You can do your favorite omelet here but it should complement the guacamole. I made a tomato, green onion and cream cheese one. It rocked.

Make the guacamole. Avocados, a little garlic, a pinch or two of salt, a healthy squeeze of lemon juice and a little finely chopped cilantro, if you have it. Tomatoes are optional depending on whether you have them in your eggs.

Get out one or two of the 300 tortillas you have stacked in your freezer. (No idea what I'm talking about? Read my June 3rd post.)

Slather a warm tortilla with guacamole. Add some baby spinach, onion strings, a dab of salsa, whatever floats your boat. Add a slice of omelet. Roll gently in wax or parchment paper. Cut through the middle for easy eating.

These burritos are also great for a breakfast "make your own" where you simply put out the components and let the troops assemble their own.

But use a pot holder...



ib said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ib said...

$70 dollars worth of tortillas.....
I bet they didn't even make the omelets even more stellar than they could have been with plain ones..
man im always the first one to comment I feel like a stalker with no life...well stalkers dont usually have lives...?

grocer said...

fantastic post.
breakfast looks delicious.

I am impressed that your kids even know where Croatia is at that age!

melissa said...

Yes, Katie, you're a stalker. ;)

Looks good. And GREAT ARTICLE!! Funny and realistic, as (apparently) always. Underwear. Hell yeah. :P

The Yummy Mummy said...

Ib - Definately a stalker. But I've I've always wanted my own nut job following me around. I feel like a celebrity. Cool.

(Actually Katie, it's just always great to hear from you.)

Grocer - Thanks! The Croatia thing sounds impressive, but really Lucy has a little friend name Sophia who she loves dearly and has just left for two months in Croatia, so she's been wanting to go and meet her there.

But at least she knows where it is on the map, that's something.

Melissa - Thanks for supporting my use of underpants in the kitchen. I was considering starting a support group. After I wrote this, I thought perhaps you guys would think I was completely nuts!

To all of you - I know I've been saying forever that I would re-do my blog roll. I've been trying to get to it, but that little chore has eluded me. I'll do it this week when the CSFB comes back. Promise. And I'll do a non-foodie blog roll too. Thanks for being patient!

Jen said...

Love it, as always! I was wondering what you were planning for those tortillas. Do you have a good enchilada recipe?

The underwear-as-potholder is good stuff but I have a sleazy confession...I *wore* my hubby's boxer-briefs one day last week when I had let the laundry pile up too high. TMI? Perhaps, but that's how I roll. Obviously not showering is the least of my problems, too!

Familia said...

as long as you're not grabbing the dirty undershorts out of teh wrong laundry basket, you're good togo. try some diaper wipes on those arm pits. you can probably get several more days without a shower!

ntsc said...

Was your husband wearing the underwear at the time you used it as a pot holder?

Krysta said...

I don't even know what to say... as long as the boxers weren't dirty, it's all good. What's that thing you call a shower? I've never heard of it. Thank God for you, David likes his woman stinky with hairy arm pits!

The Yummy Mummy said...

Familia - I cautiously side-stepped the "dirty or clean" issue.

You may not want to know...

Jen - You wore his underwear? You're a freak like me. Now all the secrets come out.

I actually have a lovely enchilada recipe for you. I'll post it.

NTSC - He wasn't wearing them, but that would have been a MUCH BETTER blog post....

(And I'm still coming to your house. We just have to make plans...)

ECM - Again with the "dirty or clean thing". I was making an omelet. I had other egg-related things on my mind. I wasn't focused on what I was reaching for...It's all so STRESSFUL!!!!!!!!

Good thing David does like me in all my smelly glory. God help him.

xo Kim

Anonymous said...

I love breakfast burritos. My fav is with smoked salmon, corn and goat cheese. But we don't have all those fancy tortillas so I just use the plain old full of fat and carb boring ones.

I love the current Pathmark story. I'm surprised that that place doesn't quickly lock the doors and turn out the lights when they see you coming. I swear, I have never known anyone who has more grocery store disasters!! Um, I times!!

Shannon said...

Ooohhh. Make a Mexican lasagna (or pie) with the tortillas. I can pass along a recipe if you'd like. It is to die for!

And as for showering with young uns under VATS of deodorant...a ton of it goes a long way! LOL. Bsaeball caps are an excellent investment for the shower-challenged mom as well.

When the kids were toddlers, I'd wake up before them, hop in the shower and then go back to bed until it was REALLY time to wake up.

I've gone for two days without showering. Very few times I've gone 3 days....that's when things got scary.