Monday, November 3, 2008

The Most Expensive Bacon on the Planet


David has an office in Union Square, right next to the farmer's market. He often picks up farm eggs, grass fed beef, that kind of stuff.

Friday, he brought home a bunch of meats and he held up this one package of bacon and kind of waved it in my face.

It was uncured hickory smoked bacon without nitrates from Tamarack Hollow Farm in South Wheelock, Vermont. Sounds all home cured and yummy, right? So, I reached out to take it and he whipped it out of my grasp and gave me the evil eye.

"Now, don't do what you usually do," he said, "and make this whole package for us at one time...Ration it."

"Ration it? Like Great Grandpa did during the war?" I said. I was being witty.

"It's expensive." David doesn't think I'm witty.

I ignore this and putter in the kitchen. Sure, it's expensive it's from some quaint little farm, with one amputee farm hand and a pig named Bessy from the most expensive state in the country.

"I mean it", he says, "very expensive".

He wants to confess.

"How expensive was it, baby?" I ask. I sound cool. I decide I'll be cool with whatever he paid. I'm a good wife.

"I can't tell you..."

"Oh come on, it's bacon...how much could it be?"

"No, it's really expensive..." he tells me. The words come easy now.

"...See, I went to pay for it and the guy at the farm stand told me how much it costs and I thought I had misunderstood him, like he was speaking in tongues or something, but then it was too late, my wallet was out, he was taking the money, it was all happening so fast and I was too embarrassed to tell him the price was astronomical...so, I bought the ridiculously expensive bacon."

He was breathing a little hard.

I look at the packaging. A little tree graphic. Quaint. I see that this isn't even a pound of bacon. 12 ounces. Thieving New England farm bastards.

"So, just ration the pieces out to us, okay honey?" he says, "You know, make it last..."

And I did. We ate our allotted two rashers a piece for like three breakfasts. And now, it's mercifully gone and all the guilt can stop now.

xxoo YM

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11 comments:

ntsc said...

I just bought about 100 pounds of pork for which I paid $229.00. It includes 20 lbs of uncured bacon (pork belly). I will make pancetta, two bacons of smoked maple bacon and a savory smoked bacon. All from Charcuterie. He has at least one recipe for cured bacon which does not require smoking, but you should move Dora.

The Yummy Mummy said...

NTSC -

You know, I hate you now, right? You are actually MAKING bacon?

At least you'll get more than 2 pieces of bacon with your breakfast.

Kim

Jen said...

At least he didn't pay a million dollars to ship it across the country this time!

The Yummy Mummy said...

Eh, don't get me started on the tortillas, Jen.

We're down to the last 2 packs and I fear another $70 cross-country shipment might be in our future.

Megan from Etsy said...

you're kidding right???? You really aren't going to tell us how much he paid? Am I un-couth to even ask? Sorry, but the suspense is killing me...how much was the bacon???????

The Yummy Mummy said...

Megan -

He wouldn't tell me! Really! My own husband. My family, for heaven's sake.

I kept saying, "Baby, it's okay, how much was the bacon?" but he wouldn't cop to it. All I got out of him was that it wasn't more than $20.

But something tells me he didn't get very much change back from his $20.

Kim

Krysta said...

bacon and tortillas... what in the hell? how much did he spend for the bacon? and the way you wrote this story he sounds like a junkie... albeit a bacon junkie.

SaintTigerlily said...

My name is Saint Tigerlily and I too am a bacon junkie.

The Boss likes a similarly outlandishly expensive bacon, also from Vermont that we buy when we are up there. It comes in white packaging and is called "ends and pieces" and is made up of the bits they cut off when they make the real bacon and oh my dear lord is it amazing. Worth every penny of the not quite $20 we spend on it...regardless of the lack of change...

Izzy's Mama said...

I will be at the greenmarket Wednesday and find out the dirt! I have often ogled that very same bacon but knew the price was in the double digits.
Was it worth it?? I usually buy Niman Ranch.

ntsc said...

There is also a 5 pound piece of fat back. I'm making lardo.

We usually do 6 pieces of bacon for breakfast, not for economic reasons, but for health.

melissa said...

You're STILL eating the tortillas?? *Laughing*