So, David is in LA and Lucy and Edie and I were getting ready for bed last night and Lucy comes over to me and smiles very sweetly and cups my face in her hands and kisses me square on the lips and looks me in the eye and with every ounce of sincerity in her bones says, "I love you a little bit, Mommy..."
This is lovely and makes my heart leap a little because she is being so honest and Lucy is not always so extravagant with her affection and in that moment I feel so loved and appreciated and I fold her into my arms and hold her close and she lets me and then she pulls back a little and finishes her sentence.
"...I love you a little bit," she says again, "but I love Daddy a lot."
And then, she drives home the point by using her fingers to demonstrate how much she loves me (her fingers are like an inch apart) and how much she loves her father (her fingers are like miles apart) and she does it a few more times to make sure I get exactly how much she loves David more than she loves me.
"I love you a little bit, like this, see? And I love daddy a lot, like this. Okay, let me show you again..."
And then, after several agonizing rounds of this, where I am mainly focusing on not bursting into tears, she looks at me for my reaction and I put on my best and most sincere smile and say, "Honey, no matter how much you love me or daddy we love you so much, like this..." and I extend my arms way out from my body.
And she is pleased and falls into me all happy and content. And this sort of mends my broken heart. Well, not really. I'm still a little shattered.
xxoo YM
13 comments:
I think, in her little mind, that Lucy was trying to express how much she misses David since he is away. I've seen first hand what great parents both you and David are, affectionate and hands on.
You handled it so well by re-inforcing your love for her rather than saying something to make her feel guilty (ie) "oh, so you love Daddy more than me? I feel so bad"
Good parenting Kim!! xxRita
Thanks Rita, I really appreciate the supportive words. Your opinion means a lot to me.
David said the same thing on the phone (that she was missing him) and I have since removed the cleaver from my bleeding heart.
Anyway, I am pleased she has such a strong attachment to David. He is such a fantastic father and I know a lot of kids are not nearly as attached to their fathers, so this pleases me to no end. This is a good thing...although last night I wasn't so sure.
Thanks for writing! I wish we could see you in NYC around Christmas but we'll be up your way in January when David takes Lucy skiing at West Mountain.
Have a great holiday!
Kim
Every Mother has felt, or will feel, your same pain :( The honesty of our children is so pure, but can be too hard to hear sometimes! And, while I know you will heal and understand the heart of your little Lucy is love all the same, it still stings a little...
I always remember my BF telling me how she used to tell her Mom (when she was a pre teen) how she hated her and her Mother would always reply with "Well, I love you!" I think that is just the best response cause we know our kids don't really understand the effect of their words on us, so reinforcing OUR unending love is always the best response...and you surely did that :)
Oh Kim. Our babies can make our hearts burst with happiness and pride - and just as quickly make them burst with pain. I think you handled the situation perfectly and with great calm.
Although this may not make you feel any better - your readers love you "THIS MUCH" (all of us stand together and hold our arms as far away from our bodies as we can!)
Have a beautiful Wednesday!
Cindy
i love you kim...
for about five years nancy would not even look in her dad's direction and it hurt him sooooo much but i kept telling him just you wait kids are strange and fickle little creatures pretty soon she won't like me and love you and sure enough that's what has happened. i do think she was trying to tell you how much she missed her dad.
Definitely. It was her way of bringing him back.
Besides, one inch in kid-love-finger-distance is equal to, like, a million miles in real distance.
I checked my atlas key.
True story.
What a sweet story. There is definetly something about little girls and their daddies .... my 23 month old completely ignores me when her daddy comes home. She makes such a fuss when he comes home -- you would think she hasn't seen him in weeks and weeks. Someone once asked me if I was jealous and in no way am I jealous. It warms my heart that she loves this man as much as I do. Although --- I don't make him pick me up as soon as he walks in the door. Probably wouldn't be so good on his back. :)
Oh my, that made me tear up a little bit. Perhaps it's my PMS hormones. (Frankly I wouldn't have guessed it possible after a story about poop and nachos. Combined!) But geez.
I hope Mommy helps herself to a nice glass of wine after the little ones are in bed tonight. You are both so good.
Four year olds are really interested in figuring things out and pushing buttons. My daughter who is completely amazing in our eyes is always saying things like "if you love Bennie (her brother than you must not love me." I know she is just sort of exploring and beginning to analyze relationships. Your response to Lucy was perfect, part of her wanted to see how you would respond. These little one's are smart cookies You let her know that all is all right in her world.
I get that too - Whenever I am home alone with Boo Boo she says, "I want DAAAADDDY!" and she does the same to him.
I am lucky in the fact he TELLS me this though...otherwise I too would be shattered.
So sweet! What a beautiful family :)
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