Monday, February 14, 2011

What People Talk About When they Talk About Making Pancetta

David: What are you doing?
Kim: Rolling the pork belly into a roll to make pancetta.
David: What about the botulism?
Kim: Eh, we'll be fine. I'll taste it before I feed it to the girls.
David: You know my cousin died of botulism?
Kim: The transvestite?
David: That's my other cousin. And she wasn't a transvestite. She KILLED a transvestite. She's in prison in Sydney.
Kim: Got it. How did your cousin get botulism anyway?
David: Baked beans. From a can.
Kim: Ew...well, this is different, you know? There's pink salt, cooking before eating...I'm sure it'll be fine.
David: I think if we can hang pancetta without rolling it, avoiding all that anerobic space that breeds botulism spores, and still get pancetta at the end without killing someone in the family, maybe we should do it...

Kim: I'm not going to kill anyone with my meat...
Lucy: (coming into the room with Edie) Did Mommy make something that will kill us?
David: Well, maybe...well, not really.
Kim: Daddy and I are discussing whether to roll the pork belly. It's been sitting in an herb cure. If we roll it and hang it in the cellar, we end up with pancetta.
Edie: Belly. Belly. Belly.
Lucy: But it could kill us? For real?
Edie: Belly rhymes with smelly, Mommy.
Kim: Yes, Edie, it does. Lucy, nothing bad will happen when we eat the pancetta. Daddy and Mommy are just talking about...
Lucy: Don't eat the pancetta, Edie. It might make you DIE!
Edie: Belly, smelly, belly, smelly...
David: Lucy really, Mommy isn't going to kill anyone with her charcute...
Kim: Honey, maybe we should just stop talking before we turn them off bacon altogether.
Lucy: Bacon kills people, too?
David and Kim: NO!
Edie: (laughing) Pancetta is yucky.
Lucy: (laughing) Yeah, pancetta is so gross.
Edie: And makes you die!
Lucy: Let's go, Edie. (They leave the kitchen) We don't want any pancetta, Mommy. We don't want to die.
Edie: Belly rhymes with smelly, Lucy.
Lucy: I know, Edie.
Kim: Nice one, honey.
David: Yep. Nice.

Want in on the next Charcutepalooza challenge? Cathy just announced the March challenge: brining. That means corned beef, people. Check out her post out here at Food52.

Also, congratulations to Basia, from The Blog That Ate New Jersey! You won the pigs kitchen tile from Renee at Kudos Kitchen. Enjoy!

xo YM



Warner (aka ntsc) said...

Mine is hanging between two hams, so it is safe.

Must go finish the pork stock.

Jill Silverman Hough said...

Pretty funny, Mummy. Thanks for the smile.

Claudia said...

Kids are great, who needs a TV with them around for entertainment?

Bob said, "you're what? And hanging it where? Is that safe?"

Couscous & Consciousness said...

Oh, I so wish I could make pancetta, but without a cool place to hang it in the middle of our summer, that ain't a happening thing right now.

Bacon was a resounding success though and my post is now up

Can't wait for to join in the next challenge.

Sue :-)

Paula said...

Cute, would love to be a fly on your curing pancetta to see what other things Edie and Lucy have to say!

Paula said...

Oops, that should have been *to hear* what Edie and Lucy had to say.

Sasa said...

Tee hee! Hilarious dialogue! I clicked through from Sue's blog (love her, she's awesome) and stayed for the cured meat ;P said...

Hi Kim, I'm so excited I won! I emailed you my address. Let me know if you didn't get it:

Thanks again!

Natalie Sztern said...

I am assuming that you are doing the March challenge early? Perhaps as a prelude to the rest of us to get our combined asses moving on the challenge?

Well this babe, the one talking I mean, is doing....ready?????....a pickled tongue.

Yeah baby!! A pickled tongue and my butcher told me he could get me Prague Powder on the black market...that is not a joke.

I have my own anyway...I could eat pickled tongue all day everyday and never once thought about pickling it myself: the price difference was ten bucks; the tongue at 3 lbs was 40 bucks; eating your own pickled tongue should be priceless.

Julia said...

I love it. You could leave out all the names and it would be a nice Carver-esque story. As it stands it's a nice Carver-esque play. (No pun intended on the "carve," but it works, doesn't it?)