Uh, yeah, that would be me.
It was a longish week of work. We handed a client’s book into the publisher today. Lots of last minute edits and changes. And I think that my kids have spent enough of this week watching me stare into the computer screen and tapping frantically at the keys.
At one point, Lucy wanted me to help her put this pink hula skirt on her head so that it looked like she had a head full of long wild hair. She brought it over to me and asked me to put it on her head and when she saw that I was in some trance-like state, staring wild-eyed and dazed into the computer, she quietly gave up, turned around and set out to figure it out herself, cross-legged on the floor.
She didn’t fight for my attention or demand anything of me in a loud voice or crumble croissant crumbs all over the floor to get my attention. No, she knew I was gone somewhere and there was no retrieving me. She just resolved that I wasn’t there for her. And her big pink head of hair.
I saw her face as she turned to walk away. Uh, kill me.
I officially get the crap mother award this week.
I asked Lucy about it when I was putting her to bed. I asked if she was frustrated about me being on a deadline with a book. This is what she said: “Daddy should work and make the money. You should just love us…” And then, she added, “…and cook. You should be the cook”.
So, I’m writing this post Thursday night before bed and I’ll post it for Friday. But the whole day Friday will be for the kids. I won’t look at a post, call a client, read a blog, answer comments, respond to Twitters, IMs or even open this crazy sucker of a computer. Not until they are asleep. Then, I'm all yours.
We got big plans. We’re gonna poach some eggs in the morning, ride bikes out on the terrace, hit the playgrounds hard, read all the library books we took out today, eat shrimp and pasta for lunch, maybe Edie will nap a little and I’ll let Lucy watch a Pink Panther or two, while I just hold her on my lap and hug her a lot. And then, friends will come over and we’ll just shed all the rules and live it up. I’ll break out edamame and maybe make some Guacamole and chips. And it’ll be a regular party. That is, until Daddy gets home and we eat pot roast and all of us get reacquainted and make up for lost time.
That’s the order of the day, folks. No more crap mother, at least not for a little while. I can do better.
Hope you have a great weekend with your family and friends, too.
Xxoo YM
Kim
ReplyDeleteYou are at home with them, they are not in day care as my son was from 2 months until half way through first grade when I married.
And you do give whole days of attention.
You are not a crap mother. Even when you are busy. Those kids know they are loved.
ReplyDelete(And re your last post...holy hell, a pastry dough that I can just press into the damned pan and don't need to roll out - you're my savior. Do you know I don't even own a rolling pin.)
I know exactly how you feel, Kim. While I do agree that Lucy and Edie are with you all day, and not thrown into daycare, I have often been hooked up to my sewing machine with Lucy hanging out nearby and feeling guilty as sin. I promise her 'just one more seam', then carry on and sew another...and another. I really think when you become a mother, the ability to feel guilty increases ten-fold.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who jumps at her toddler's every demand. I can see this child growing up never having the ability to enjoy her own company. The fact that I can't say two words over coffee without this mother running off to her daughter drives me absolutely bonkers!
I have to say, even your bittersweet posts make for enjoyable reading. I can't see this book of yours being anything but a success.
So, no way are you a crap mother.
xx
Holy Mother Of God!! Crap Mother?? Nothing could be further from the truth. You should be awarded mother of the year. I've seen first hand how nurturing you are with your kids. Don't be so hard on yourself. Rita
ReplyDeleteEvery mom has to find a balance, I suppose. It must be hard sometimes. You're still the only person I've ever known that makes me want to be a mom, difficult days and all. Hope you had a great weekend!
ReplyDelete