Does Anyone Want 26 pounds of Leftover Halloween Candy?

Lucy dressed as a Fairy Princess
(We are not afraid of the "P Word" in this house, in fact, we brazenly embrace it and all it's anti-feminist connotations)

No, really. If you are reading this from a place that doesn't have Halloween (is there such a place?) and you really want some blogger you've never met to send you 3 large ziplock bags full of mini chocolate candy bars, then send me an e-mail with your address and I will take it to the post office in my copious amounts of free time and send it off to you.

No lie. Try it and you'll be swimming in chocolate with little ghosts on the wrappers in under a week.

Edie (also in fairy princess regalia) putting down her 8th bag of Skittles in under an hour

How did I get 3 enormous bags of candy in the freezer? 2 reasons: (1) I over-bought because I thought 200 poorly-dressed youths would descend upon our apartment and demand we hand over the candy or get pelted by eggs and (2) We threw a little Halloween after-party and everyone brought us a little gift...no, not bottles of wine...they brought their leftover Halloween candy...which was great because not only did I have my own 20 lbs of Mars Bars to contend with, but now I have their leftovers as well.

Note to friends: Pawning off unwanted things, like surplus Halloween candy, and calling it a gift is really not a gift. It's pawning off your crap onto people you love.

The Skittle Queen, hopped up on sugar, tries to make a run for it

And David gave me The Talk last night. You know the one. He took me to the freezer. His face was all dour and serious. He pointed to the bags just sitting there, minding their own business and said, as if he found a corpse lying about behind the peas, "These have to go."

He was serious. I know this, because the man has no will power. If it's in the house, he'll systematically eat through the whole 26 pounds, leaving nothing but empty wrappers and chocolate smudges in his wake. And when he's 10 pounds heavier and has the paunch of a 60 year old, he'll wag his finger at me and blame me for the whole sordid mess. (He still blames me and my cooking for the "extra 10" he put on after he met me. I heard him telling Lucy about this after I made him a toasted Manchego, spinach and tomato sandwich for lunch last weekend.)

No thanks. The candy needs to go. So, if you want it, let me know and I'll send it along.

xxxooo YM