Friday, November 2, 2007

Martha Stewart's Barn Floor

Martha Stewart in her barn with her Friesian horse (a regular horse just won't do)
& her miniature donkeys (because the big ones aren't cute enough)

I was in the bathroom looking through our stack of magazines (mostly David's, except for my Gourmet and Bon Appetit) and I was paging through New York Magazine. There is a big story about Martha in the October design issue called, Martha Stewart: Homemaking was A Dreary Chore Until She Made It An Artisanal Pursuit. And Built An Empire.

So, I'm busy doing bathroom things and I decide - what the hell, I like Martha - let's look it over. Funny. Because I never get to read the article because my eyes land on the picture (above) of her stable.

There's horses and miniature lice-carrying animals and I'm sure one or two Honduran stable boys with muddy boots tromping through there with buckets of hay and feed, right? It's a barn for heavens sake.

Now, check out the floor of the barn.

It is so clean, I'd let my one year old eat cottage cheese out of the crack of one of those cobblestones.

So, here's a picture - Imagine me on the commode, pants around my ankles, turning the magazine this way and that and getting my face up real close to the pages, trying to see if there is any dirt or grime in that floor and then, realizing something horrifying...

Martha's barn floor is cleaner than the floor in my kitchen. I spent the next 10 minutes horrified and then, I mopped my floor. Thanks Martha.

xxxooo YM



Angelika said...


I try not to stress about stuff like that.

We don't need to eat off the floor. As long as the dishes are clean, I'm cool.

Anita said...

she actually has a kitchen out there -- it was in one of the issues a few months back. I can't decide whether I want to kill her or be her.

Le laquet said...

That's cleaner than my kitchen floor too and she probably only allowed the animals in for the photos. Unlike Anita I've decided I want to kill her!

Manisha said...

But are the animals happy? I truly believe they like some grime. My resident (human) animals swear by it. ;-)

Kim said...

Forget the floor, look at the light fittings. LIGHT FITTINGS. In a stable.
It becomes an ever-increasing reality that Martha Stewart's shit mustn't stink and well, anyone whose shit doesn't stink is not to be trusted.
I washed our kitchen floor the other day for no other reason than it simply occurred to me and the tribe were all in bed. Within the next 24 hours the dishwasher repair man bled on it, the dishwashed leaked gunked up crap all over it, the cat spewed on it and one of the tribe dropped a plate of toast on it.
Hardly worth the effort really.

Precious_1 said...

I'm in the kill her camp........ only thing I can't decide is whether I'm killing her for the floor or the light fittings! My Gawd! Do horses really need fittings like those??

b said...

You are FREAKIN' hilarious. Am just catching up on your blog since Audrey's now well and, I swear, you have my husband and I laughing out loud--in tears. (He's folding laundry, I'm reading aloud. Pretty good agreement, eh?)

I totally notice stuff like that in magazines.

Izzy's Mama said...

That is hilarious..but really, does that look like ANY barn you have ever seen. Is that really a barn or is that her living room, dressed up as a barn..?

s.j.simon said...

did you know how cheese was invented? It wasnt necessity, it was an accident, read this

Mary Kate said...

Martha served Thanksgiving dinner in that same barn a couple of years back - there was a whole issue on it. Frankly, if it had been me, I would have turned around and driven all the way home rather than eat Thanksgiving dinner in Martha's barn.