Sunday, June 29, 2008

Better Than Boob

I finally figured it out.

I figured out how to make Sunday lunch without having to stop mid-prep so that I can look down and see a wailing, blotchy-cheeked mess of a baby, pathetically clinging to my leg, so disconsolate and grief stricken because my affairs in the kitchen have prevented her from having my nipple in her mouth for, like, all of a half an hour.

The answer. The kitchen sink.

A simple idea, but profound in it's execution.

There was all sorts of filling up. Pouring out. Filling up. Pouring...You get the point.

It was downright captivating.

It's like my boobs stopped existing for all of dinner prep.

Ah! See? There in the back is the laundry basket where I grabbed David's underpants and used them as a pot holder the other day. Remember that?

Hey. It happens.

Really, like my boobs weren't even in the kitchen.

Oh right. That's not me.

It's a good thing these aren't my boobs. Edie would LOVE these.

In the end, a happy kid. A wet floor. A sink full of clean dishes. A completed dinner service. Breasts that aren't the size of Idaho.

Life is good.

xxoo YM



Joanne Rasmussen said...

LOL I got such a fright as I was scrolling down - bloody right life is good if those are not yours.

Krysta said...

I can't even imagine having those big old breasts... my first thought is ouch!

Shannon said...

LMFAO. I was like "WOOOOW what a rack!" Thank gawd those aren't yours. What a backache that woman must have.

My kids have spent a good part of the day at the kitchen sink as I've gotten things done around the house.

Another thing...strange as it to let them peel off the thin skin from the inside of used, but rinsed, egg shells. It keeps them hooked for a good hour.

ib said...

You know what holds their attention for hours? A soap bottle like ivory where the bottle is mostly empty and maybe add a bit of water and they just keep squezing it getting the occasional bubble. It's hilarious.

Side note : Where do you even find a bra for boobs like that!!!??!!

jlix said...

well... that is exactly what my titties look like. Those could be mine. 2 kids ( and I guess some bad genes..) and that's what I got. Kind of thinking you all are a bunch o smug beeatches. should I have elective surgery even though I have 2 small kids? what would y'all have me do?

jlix said...

oh-- and you wear a fucking 42DDD for boobs like that. Bare Necesssities sells them. Enough with you all.

Izzy's Mama said...

Ah yes, eventually there are things that do become more enticing then boobie. Water is a definite contender. I used the sink in both the kitchen and the bathroom to occupy Izzy for my shower and cooking. Works like a charm. And the soap bottles are a definite must, along with various and sundry assorted plastic vessels and funnels. Just be store to get some kitchen mats because flooding is bound to happen

The Yummy Mummy said...

Jlix -

I totally wasn't trying to malign anyone with large breasts. I have a sense of humor about my own and was just having a little fun. Believe me, the only reason I didn't post a picture of my own beauties wrapped around my knees is only to prevent a divorce - David would have killed me. He has dibs. This one was already circulating the internet.

If I made you feel badly, I apologize. You should feel good about your body and we all support you. Know that I meant no harm.

I hope you come back. And feel good about hanging around...