Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tampons Can Make All Your Wishes Come True

This is the conversation I had with Lucy yesterday that explains why I keep finding tampons in the potted plants.

Lucy: Mommy, you were a Grumble Fish yesterday.

Kim: Yes, I was wasn’t I? Do you know why I was a Grumble Fish?

Lucy: Because you had your period and your period makes you Grumble-Fishy.

Kim: Yes, that’s right. Sometimes it does. I'm sorry about that. You know I love you and am proud of you even when I'm a Grumble Fish, right?

Lucy: I know...Did you use me and Edie’s magic wands?

Kim: Yes, they are called tampons. And no, they aren’t technically magic wands.

Lucy: Yes, yes, y-y-yes they are. Me and Edie are fairies with them. We go “pop” on her head and we m-m-make a wish.

Kim: My tampons make wishes come true?

Lucy: Yes, they’re magic.

Kim: Magic tampons.

Lucy: I like to throw them high in the sky and hit the clouds.

Kim: I guess that explains why we have a tampon clinging to the leaves of our ficus.

Lucy: It reached the sky.

Kim: I see.

Lucy: Can we have twins now?

Kim: (I choke on my tongue)

Lucy: I'll wish for it with my magic wand.

(I hand her the tampon from the ficus and she goes skipping into her bedroom. I hear her "popping" Edie on the head and instructing her to wish for twin baby sisters.)

Damn those magic tampons.

As I'm sitting here now writing this, I see an unwrapped tampon sticking out of the stereo speaker. Note to self: Put tampon box up on high shelf.

And yes, for those people who can read between the lines, after a period of nearly two years of continuous breastfeeding, we are officially back in the baby-making business. And still breastfeeding.

Someone throw confetti. My husband’s going to be having a lot more of the sex.

Xxoo YM



ntsc said...

I have three cousins with born within 34 months of their mother's marriage. Breast feeding doesn't work, nor does the rythym method.

Krysta said...

can you share some of those magic tampons? or at least tell me where i can buy some!

Veronica said...

Good luck, I have everything crossed over here for you.

Joanne Rasmussen said...

You are very brave. Loved the post. I think I should keep my comments on sex and your DH to myself LOL

Fred Stesney said...

Yay! Good luck with babymaking. Better not let Lucy know that women are capable of making more than 2 babies at once, or the Tampon Fairy will have you birthing sextuplets.

Shannon said...

This post had me LMFAO!

Good luck on the baby making!!

Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

One of my Mom's friends heard a weird clicking sound when her 4 year old son was playing the piano. She found him playing chopsticks with tampon applicators (fished from the garbage) on his fingers.

My baby-making days are done. Five is pretty good, I think. If the tampon fairy stops by here I'll send her over your way.

Izzy's Mama said...

So thrilled and you didn't have to wrench the nipple from Edie's mouth after all! I was wondering why I hadn't heard from you about weaning advice!

adriane said...

This is the first time I've read you, and lady, you are a hoot!

Thanks for the giggles, I'll be back for more. Good luck with the tampon fairy!

melissa said...

I've been meaning to read this post since Krysta mentioned it. Too funny. :)