To me, Edie is still a baby. "Little Mama" as she is known around here, because she is my shadow. And so, I've let the breastfeeding go on now, much longer than I ever intended because she loved it so and it was something special just for her and I together.
It was nice while it lasted.
But yesterday, I heard myself say something so utterly ridiculous, I realized, it's time to wean her. Here's what I actually said, out loud, in front of people in an elevator. Like in public, not in my head:
"Edie, you have to take the gum out your mouth if you're going to have boobie."
And the people on the elevator, who were gratefully our friends and who choose only to mock me to my face, broke out laughing and it hit me - I'm breastfeeding a child old enough to choose which boob she wants to drink from. She's clacking her gum like a Long Island secretary and this never dawned on me? Pretty soon she's going to be picking up the phone and dialing the lactation consultant to see if she can improve the milk production in my left breast.
Just to be perfectly transparent, you all should know that Edie is breastfeeding as I'm writing this. Oh, no...yeah, she just switched from the left boob to the right. Uh, now she's watching Dora.
It's hard to keep up with her schedule.
And so, last night I flashed forward and realized I could be one of those Moms who's, like, breastfeeding her kid in the car before she sends her into kindergarten. Or like second grade. God, or like the junior prom.
So, the weaning is on, except I don't have a clue about how to do it with kindness or firmness or any idea where to start. So, if you see a woman in the subway with a baby latched to her left breast, pouring over a copy of "Weaning for Dummies", that'll be me.
My kid will be the one with the nipple and the wad of gum in her mouth.