Monday, October 6, 2008

Okay, Okay, It's Time. Get Off My Back Already.

To me, Edie is still a baby. "Little Mama" as she is known around here, because she is my shadow. And so, I've let the breastfeeding go on now, much longer than I ever intended because she loved it so and it was something special just for her and I together.

It was nice while it lasted.

But yesterday, I heard myself say something so utterly ridiculous, I realized, it's time to wean her. Here's what I actually said, out loud, in front of people in an elevator. Like in public, not in my head:

"Edie, you have to take the gum out your mouth if you're going to have boobie."

And the people on the elevator, who were gratefully our friends and who choose only to mock me to my face, broke out laughing and it hit me - I'm breastfeeding a child old enough to choose which boob she wants to drink from. She's clacking her gum like a Long Island secretary and this never dawned on me? Pretty soon she's going to be picking up the phone and dialing the lactation consultant to see if she can improve the milk production in my left breast.

Just to be perfectly transparent, you all should know that Edie is breastfeeding as I'm writing this. Oh, no...yeah, she just switched from the left boob to the right. Uh, now she's watching Dora.

It's hard to keep up with her schedule.

And so, last night I flashed forward and realized I could be one of those Moms who's, like, breastfeeding her kid in the car before she sends her into kindergarten. Or like second grade. God, or like the junior prom.

So, the weaning is on, except I don't have a clue about how to do it with kindness or firmness or any idea where to start. So, if you see a woman in the subway with a baby latched to her left breast, pouring over a copy of "Weaning for Dummies", that'll be me.

My kid will be the one with the nipple and the wad of gum in her mouth.

xxoo YM



Veronica said...

I weaned Amy by telling her my boobs were empty now, keeping her as occupied with other things as possible and having a thousand different snacks on hand in order to just keep her mouth away from my nipples for JUST 5 MINS. That was 6 months ago.

Admittedly, she was only 19 months (I still miss it. Terribly) and probably much easier to distract then.

Although, she still insists on pulling up my top and kissing and hugging my boobs, while bemoaning the fact that they are 'empty now, sigh'.

I have no idea how she is going to cope when I have milk again and am breastfeeding the new little one.

Hilary said...

Thanks for adding so much laughter to my day.

The Yummy Mummy said...

Ah...the boobs are empty.

I can try that. I've been doing this thing where I tell her that she is too big for the boobies now, but she's still my baby and we can still cuddle like she's my baby. That has helped some.

She has been coming around to the idea that the boobs are a finite thing, although I have to say that letting go of the breastfeeding is a little like giving up cigarettes - before I quit I couldn't imagine I would ever enjoy an activity (like eating) when I couldn't follow it up with a cigarette.

Last night, I thought about what it would be like to not have any breastfeeding in our relationship and I couldn't even picture it.

Still, I don't smoke now and all is just fine. Same thing with the breastfeeding, I bet.

Thanks for the ideas!


girlfiend said...

You could try the old trick where you put bandaids on your nipples and say they're broken.

My almost 2yo weaned himself when I was pregnant so there's always that route. Of course he wanted to nurse again once the baby was born, but by then it was more of a novelty, not a complete and utter or he'd die right there on the spot necessity.

Anonymous said...


This is one of my all time favorite shows...makes me wish I lived in the UK...finally HBO picked it up.

If you don't laugh at have no soul.

Stepford Mum said...

A food-blogger friend just introduced me to your blog and I must say, I love it! Can relate. Have an 18month old boy who I've been trying to wean for a few months now, but it's hard hard hard. Glad to know there are other moms out there with the same problem. I'm sure there are many more, but your experiences make for very good reading!