Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Edward Cullen: A Dirty Little Vampire Secret

I started reading Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight, which was a mistake because:

(1) I’m embarrassed to let anyone see that I am engrossed in a teen vampire novel and now I have to walk around with the book tucked up inside a David Sedaris memoir. Very awkward.

(2) I actually poached David’s eggs this morning while reading about Edward and Bella nipping at each other trying to stave off Edward’s blood lust and I almost flipped the eggs onto the floor. Should not read lusty novel with no sexual resolution, while cooking with hot water and sharp utensils.

(3) I’m pretty sure I let the children eat Snickers Bars and Cheetos for breakfast, just so I could finish the chapter where Bella meets Edward’s vampire family.

Damn you, Stephanie Meyers. You're killing me.

xxoo YM



Molly said...

What the hell is up with these books? Everyone I know who reads them gets totally and completely obsessed. I am sort of afraid to touch them.

Krysta said...

oh yeah, katie said, 'here mom you might like this book'... sure enough read each one in a day. it's like the worst kind of crack... not good for you and totally addicting!

SaintTigerlily said...

A lot of people refer to these books as a guilty pleasure, complain about the lack of writing talent, and bemoan the anti-feminist undertones of what they perceive to be a story about a stalkery guy and his poor, defenseless gal. Baloney. They are terrificly fun stories that remind us why people used to jump of the pier and swim to the ships to hear about the next installments in Dickens' serials. They are fantasy. And fun. And if we can't enjoy something like this without being ashamed where oh where will that kind of thinking stop? I liked reading mine while getting a pedicure. Pure heaven. The fact is, as Charles Klosterman so expertly wrote in his essay on guilty pleasures, which I can't find, it isn't as though we would be curing cancer is we weren't reading these books. What's wrong with a little fun?

Not obsessed or anything.


*looks at sky*

The Yummy Mummy said...

Well put Saint Tigerlily -

I am ceremoniously putting down my David Sedaris memoir and showing the world that I am immersing myself in guiltless pleasure.

But it is crack. Fortunately this kind of crack is king around here.


SaintTigerlily said...

I have a typo in my comment. "off the pier"

I'm glad!

Long live pleasure! Long live storytelling!

Oh, and if you want to borrow her non-vampire novel "The Host" you can totally check out my copy.

xoch said...

Those books ARE crack! I bought Twilight on a whim, and I got completely hooked too! Yes, anti feminist undertones, yes Cullen control freak, whatever. They're damn entertaining. I know this sounds weird, but congrats on dropping the sedaris cover! (I love sedaris, but why do we have to hide romance novels? Why is romance so square?)

Btw, after my twilight binge, I saw the first episode of true blood on hbo and started reading the sookie stackhouse books, which are quite funny. And trashy and sexy. What can I say? I like my literary crack.

Eglentyne said...

Oh, now, the Sookie Stackhouse books have a little sexual resolution in them. Just a nip. They leave the "innocence" of Twilight in the dust. Better buy more Snickers bars for breakfast if you wanna read those.

bob marley & lucy liu said...

Kim, have you read any Christopher Moore? If not, Bloodsucking Fiends and then You Suck! are absolutely essential. From your taste (i also love David Sedaris and the Twilight series [can't wait for the movie Nov. 21!]), I would bet Moore would tickle your fancy.
--sandi in az

Smashley said...

I finally read the series after I heard/read so much of "They're AWESOME!!!" "THEY SUCK!!!"

I think Stephenie Meyer coats her books with crack.

It is an AWESOME love story, and I don't think Bella is as weak as people think, she gets what she wants;)

Meyer's writing is good too. I think she probably has a good editor, but she doesn't dumb her characters down for the YA set, they actually seem real.

I think a story where Bella remains human would have been as tense and exciting as the first book. Meyer took the easy way out, but it is still a great series.

melissa said...

I heard great things about these... mostly.

I think someone just gave you a spoiler though. O_o

Be proud though. I was when I was reading the Harry Potter series (still have #7 to read). I still thoroughly enjoy juvenile fiction. Some of it is positively awesome.

SaintTigerlily said...

bob marley & lucy liu!

The Boss is a huge Christopher Moore fan - I, personally like his "Lamb" but if we are getting further into fantasy fiction, nobody but nobody holds a candle to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

Wow, Kim. Hot topic!

In other news my verification word is: yszpza....Yes Pizza!

bob marley & lucy liu said...

I'm with you on the Neil Gaiman, sainttigerlily! LOVE LOVE LOVE him, I have all the old Sandman comics, too. (Did I just hear the Dork meter go off?) Seriously good stuff! I will definitely check out Terry Pratchett; thanks for the recommend! --sandi

The Mulligan Family said...

I triple love the Twilight series. If you are enjoying the first book, Kim, then you will definitely enjoy the next three. There is resolution and fulfillment. Thanks to xoch for the suggest on the Sookie Stackhouse books. I've been really enjoying the HBO show.

And Kim, better stock up on the cheetos and snickers bars for the kids... you are going to be totally addicted until you finish the entire series! Cheers. Cindy

The Yummy Mummy said...

Okay, two questions:

(1) What/who is this Sookie Stackhouse you speak of? God, it's like there's a whole world out there I'm not a part of. I hate that.

(2)And Bella doesn't stay human? What???? Does she become a vampire? Does Edward bring her over? Isn't that kind of like vampire sex or something? Spill, people. Spill, right now.

I should give up food and just start a Twilight blog...


Christine said...

Generally I thought it was an unfortunate event that I work like a maniac and therefore south my overworked brain with bad reality television rather than books.

But now I keep hearing about these books, and well, I think I'm a bit glad that I have dropped my book a day habit.

cooknkate said...

I finally caved and have requested Twilight from the library- along with about a gajillion others- I'm #63 on the list (but up from #71 just two days ago). I know I can wait because it will give me time to accomplish important things, like maybe stocking the freezer with food or the cupboards with toothpaste, so that when I get the book I can succumb willfully, without guilt.

For a good read that isn't YA crack, try 'Obedience' by Wil Lavendar or 'Bad Monkeys' by Matt Ruff. These are smart and very twisty novels.

Anonymous said...

I loved these books! The only thing that disappoints me is that I read that Meyer was writing a 5th one and it got leaked to the internet and now she has decided not to continue the series.

xoch said...

what?! I did not know that (meyer stopping because of an internet leak) that's a total bummer!

About Sookie Stackhouse Kim, the books are called Southern Vampire series and written by Charlaine Harris.

They're alternate reality /fantasy, vampires exist and they've come out of the closet. Or crypt, in any case.

Sookie is a telepathic barmaid in rural northern Louisiana, who's had a hard time of it because of her 'disability', until a vampire arrives to her little podunk town, and she learns there's a whole other world of supernatural creatures, living right alongside humans.

This doesn't even begin to cover it or do justice to Sookie, who's the narrator of the books. They're funny and action packed and exciting. You have southern small town quirks, a Viking vampire, and Elvis. There's not much angst like in Twilight, but they're still page turners, IMHO.

Best of all, Harris just published the eight book! I love / hate waiting a year for the next installment. Delayed gratification can be a pain in the ass.

About Bella becoming a vampire, well, umm, which book are you on?

hope this was helpful!


bob marley & lucy liu said...

Midnight Sun would've been the next in the Twilight series. It's not put off forever for sure, but it's (in Stephenie's words), on hold indefinitely. You can read the illegally distributed version on her website:

And the movie soundtrack comes out Nov. 4. Crap, people are going to find out I'm obsessed.

Smashley said...

You'll have to read it! I read all the wiki summaries of the books before I read them, and it didn't ruin a thing for me, because they way things happen - I just didn't really suspect.

Read the wiki pages for the books, it won't reveal too much but you'll know what happens. Some of the stuff from Breaking Dawn sounds a little out there but it isn't when you get to it.

Sorry for spoiling part of it! I guess will all the craze surrounding it you'd have seen something about it already!

Smashley said...

P.S. read the version of Midnight Sun that Meyer posted on her site. It's about 1/2 a book worth of stuff, it is Twilight from Edward's perspective. It tells you a LOT about the series, and Edward. I actually read it BEFORE I read Twilight, and I wouldn't change that - I think it gave me a unique perspective on Twilight.

I think she'll finish it eventually. When you read it, you'll see why I think she has a good editor, but the bones of her story telling are solid.

The Yummy Mummy said...

Great idea, Smashley! I've been wanting to read the one on her website. I'll give that a try next.

It should be cool to hear it told from Edward's perspective. It'll be also interesting to read the rough version. I give her serious credit for putting an unedited manuscript out there, even if her hand was forced. It takes some guts.

I just finished Twilight last night and it was pretty clear Bella was vying for a transformation to vampire. I guess she couldn't nag Edward about it for the next 4 books, so I presume it will happen in the 2nd book.

I'm intrigued by this idea but also wishing maybe Stephanie had stretched it out some more and we could have a few more "regular girl surrounded by flesh-eating vampires" stories. It's kind of the ultimate "fish out of water" story.

Either way, I'm officially hooked now.

I feel like we have all bonded over this...


Anonymous said...

I can't resist telling you that you'll definitely get your wish with the "ultimate fish out of water" stories. Meyer stretched it out fabulously!

Smashley said...

Bella has a lonnng way to go;)

I really like New Moon. Very tense:)

cheesemongerswife said...

god damnit, sonofabitch, mother effer...i bought the book at Target yesterday...(it was on sale for 5 bucks)I'm done reading it...took about 5 hours. how the F*CK am I supposed to do my schoolwork when I know that there are more out there just waiting for me.

talk about soft core porn for teens...loved it. Simon got so lucky last night.

lacrema said...

Ummm. Twilight-obsessed moms congregate over at Twilight Moms. They have a forum where we can talk all day long about Twilight without feeling like we're sacking the Juniors section of Macy's. You should check it out... it is the next frontier in family-abandonment, after you finish the books.

I have to say, I kind of burnt out on Bella after a while, but there are some tasty supernatural men in those books.