Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Few Pieces of Holiday Business...

1. Merry Xmas. Oh right, I should have told you that before Xmas. Man, I'm seriously behind the eight ball.

2. Did you like my Xmas cards? Oh right, didn't get a chance to send those out either. They were cute though, the four of us were wearing reindeer antlers and wearing matching snowman sweaters. That I knitted myself in my spare time. They were nice. Trust me.

3. Saint Tigerlily came to dinner. She and The Boss and our mutual friends Ross and Gillian came, plying us with amazing cheeses and champagne and then, I cooked stuff and served it to them and then, we all killed more than a few bottles of very good wine. Lucy also had some kind of weird episode where she ran around the room screaming out nonsense words and grunting in front of the company and Tigerlily made that smile that people make when they don't have kids and they think yours might be mentally ill, but they are too polite to ask, "God, have you taken her to get that mental illness checked out?" and instead, she says, something like "Oh, now that's sweet..." and puts a cracker in her mouth, but in the cab on the way home, she turns to her husband and says, "Jesus, I hope our kids don't turn out to make inhuman sounds at dinner parties" and then, they go about their normal lives not knowing we are them in like a couple years.

Anyway, Tigerlily writes all kinds of nice things about me here, but you should remember when you read these nice things that she might be a little unstable. And she drinks uncontrollably. And I think she dropped acid in college. Just take that all into consideration.

4. Xmas eve dinner at our house. My mom, the amazing baker who can set a table like no other person I know, in to see the grand kids open their 20,000 presents and to read Dora to Edie one more freakin' time. I serve roast leg of lamb. Roasted vegetables. A salad. To about 8 people. Really easy to make and a crowd-pleaser. You should make this the next time you have a gang to feed, but would rather not enroll your children in boarding school to get it done. I'll post the recipes in the New Year.

5. I thought we were going to be doing out annual New Years Party with the theme "Ring in the New Year in Rio" because Rio goes to the New Year at 9pm our time and this way the kids can have a real party, ring in the New Year at 9 and then, get the hell to bed, so us parents can drink our faces off, but my husband had other plans this year.

On Monday, he said, "Hey! Let's go to Puerto Rico!" and I said, "Wow! Cool! That's great, you impetuous fool! Where are we staying?" and he said, "How about camping on a beach called Culebra?...In a tent?...a three room tent fit for a queen because you are my queen, oh beautiful one" and I said, "You think I'm fit for a tent?" and he said, "Come on, it's the best tent on sale at Campemor" and then, he shows me the brochure and beams, like he's giving me some kind of compliment.

And then, I say, "You know they have cockroaches as big as baseballs in Puerto Rico and they fly and get tangled in your hair and have long hair, David" and then, he did that thing he does on every "expedition" he gets us into, he books us into a swanky hotel on the last two days of the visit so when I'm all showered up and sleeping in 1,000 count sheets, I only remember how great that was and it skews all the dirt, and pooping in the woods and pulling dead mosquitos out of my bra.

And I stupidly say "Yes! Bring on the bugs! I'll do bugs for a couple days in a place where maids pick up after me!"

Was I drunk? I'm pretty sure this is how he got me to marry him.

What makes up for the tent of course, is that I will be here:

Not here:

Think of me on the beach. 80 degree weather. Long stretches of sand, no ringing phones, deadlines or e-mails to send, just my kids, the man that I love, all of us in varied states of undress sun-kissed and brown and a big fat roach tangled up in my hair, frantically flapping it's bat-like wings.

I'll try to send messages and pictures via an internet cafe that I think might be on the island. If not, definately from the hotel where I will be seduced by jacuzzi jets and a comfortable king size bed with sheets loomed by virgins from the hair of baby animals and I'll will tell you how great the whole trip was.

Wish me luck! And Happy Birthday - 23...uh, 43 years this New Years Eve! And Happy New Year! I'm glad we are doing the New Year together...

xxoo YM



SaintTigerlily said...

Ok Lady - I thought your kids were delightful! As the eldest sibling of 6 I've seen it all. One of my little sibs may or may not have, at one point, decided to poop exclusively outside, another refused to take off a Cinderella costume for over a year (it had to be removed while she was sleeping and laundered lest she run around smelling of fritos and feet).

Seriously. Bring it.

I thought they were delightful and adorable. That said - I can't BELIEVE you are abandoning us for New Year's Eve to sit on the beach!

I am so jealous, tent or no tent. said...

I've a 40 year old nephew who still runs around and screems at dinner parties. His older nieces and nephews are starting to talk about what he may have done in college to bring this on.

I've 5 pounds of French Garlic sausage cooking in the oven. Ground and stuffed sausage this AM, isn't unemplyment grand.

MJ said...

Hope you enjoy every minute of your time on Culebra (even the windy parts). New Year's Eve here is great, and there will be kids everywhere, dancing.

Island Woman MJ
(of the Open Somedays, Closed Others cart)

rita said...

Happy birthday Kim. It doesn't seem possible that you're turning 43 yrs. old, but I know it's true because Mary will be 43 in March. God!! I feel so ancient.

I enjoyed reading your Christmas blog.

Have a great time in Puerto Rico and damn the bugs.

Happy New Year to all!! xxRita

Christine said...

Have a wonderful New Year! Way jealous!

melissa said...

Hilarious, as always. :D

Happy New Year and Happy Birthday! I hope you are enjoying yourself. Much love to the four of you.

famdoz said...

kim hurry up and post - i want to hear about nye in puerto rico. I need sun stories!

Le laquet said...

Lucky - beach - drool ... 'cept for the cockroach bit!

Mommy said...

Another fabulous trip...I am so jealous