Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pork Cutlets with Yogurt-Caper Mayo. And Vaginas.

Lucy told me something else about her vagina last night.

Which is good. She's one of those kids that likes to talk about it from time to time but she's not all touching it in public, which makes me happy because then little old ladies would stop her in the street and tell her to act like a "lady" and that she shouldn't touch "the bad place" and then I would have to hit the little old ladies with my umbrella and tell them to back off.

And then people would stop and stare at this crazy woman waving an umbrella and screaming at some poor helpless little old woman in the street clutching a cane and shaking with fear and then I'd try to calm down and explain about how the vagina isn't a "bad place" and how so very 1800's corset-hair suit it all is.

And then, someone would hear me shrieking and talking about vaginas and think I was a pervert and would call the police and since David is away on a business trip in London, I wouldn't have anyone to bail me out and I'd have to breastfeed Edie in jail and I bet the other prisoners would have something to say about my public breastfeeding, like most of my readers, and I'd have to tell them to read my blog and then half my readers would be felons, which they probably are anyway.

I hear I'm huge in San Quentin.

And this would all start because of a little public masturbation and so I am thrilled I don't have to deal with that. We just like to talk about it. In the privacy of our home.

And then, I blog about it. In the privacy of your home.

So, here's what Lucy said about her vagina this time: My vagina is made of chocolate and flowers and zebras and eggplants. There is magic in there.

And so I say: Yes baby, vaginas are magical...But what's up with the eggplants?

And she says: They're purple. Vaginas love purple.

And I say: Of course they do, sweetheart. This makes perfect sense.

And it does, right?

And just because I am talking about vaginas again, I'm giving you a super-easy pork cutlet recipe with a sauce that will make you all tingly and happy. (Just to remind you that I can talk genitalia and food in a single post.)

I threw this one together for us and our fun, completely adorable friends across the hall, Missy and David, a couple nights ago and it was a huge hit. Seriously, 20 minutes active time. 30 if you're like on crutches or have newborn quintuplets.

You'll love it. Trust me.

xxoo YM

Pork Cutlets with Yogurt-Caper Mayo
Adapted from Bon Appetite

Bread-crumb-coated pork medallions or cutlets are golden on the outside, moist and juicy on the inside. The caper-yogurt sauce provides a burst of briny flavor.

Active time: 20-30 minutes
Servings: Makes 4 servings


For sauce
2/3 cup plain yogurt (6 oz; preferably whole-milk)
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons drained bottled capers, finely chopped
A little caper juice from the bottle for a little extra briney-ness
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1/8 teaspoon black pepper

For pork
1 1/2 to 1 3/4 lb pork tenderloin (or any boneless loin)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
2 large eggs
1 cup fine dry bread crumbs
About 1 cup vegetable oil or lard for pan frying

Accompaniment: lemon wedges; watercress or other baby greens


Make sauce:
Stir together all sauce ingredients in a bowl until combined, then chill, covered, until ready to use.

Cook pork:
Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F. Cut pork crosswise into 1 1/4-inch-thick slices (medallions) or if you have a larger cut of meat, cut thin cutlets, which is what i did.

Whisk together flour, salt, and pepper in a shallow bowl.

Whisk together eggs with a pinch of salt in another shallow bowl and put bread crumbs in a third shallow bowl. (I ran out of bread crumbs, so I just re-floured for this step. So, flour, egg, flour again.)

Working with 1 medallion at a time, dredge medallions in flour, shaking off excess, and dip in egg, letting excess drip off, then coat with crumbs, pressing to help them adhere. Arrange pork in 1 layer on a baking sheet.

Heat 1/4 inch oil or lard in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderate heat until hot but not smoking, then pan fry medallions, turning over once, until golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes total.

Transfer to a clean baking sheet and roast in oven until thermometer inserted horizontally into center of meat registers 145 to 150°F, 6 to 7 minutes.

Serve pork with sauce, lemon wedges, and watercress.



ntsc said...

The pork sounds good, personally I would have pounded to thin it and then only fried it, but you may have a healthier variation.

I think I will avoid stories of off spring and genetalia. He is in his 30s and might not like it.

The Yummy Mummy said...


You know, pounding the pork is a great idea. I should have thought of that.

Does it impact cooking time? It must, right? Would you have fried it without the crumbs, flour and egg? Just wondering, since you are a kitchen God.

And I think the fact that your kid is an adult only makes the genitalia stories more interesting....


SaintTigerlily said...

I have such funny genitalia stories, but none of them are mine. What are the rules about sharing other people's downstairs tails? Anyone?

SaintTigerlily said...

Ahem. Dowstairs TALES.

The Yummy Mummy said...

I think you can share a person's genital tales as long as you disguise their name in some sort of pig latin, like "My husbanderloo's penis is weirdly shaped, like a cremini mushroom" or "My sisteriserus has a wart on the tip of her clitoriseris". Or whatever.

Just make it so we get who you're talking about, but you look like you're making an effort.

Mistress Mae said...

Okay, so I work in Interactive Improvisational comedy. And one of the primary tenets of that form of acting is the "Yes, and..." concept. You see, if a character approaches another and says, "You stole my husband!" The other character may respond by saying, "No, I didnt," and then the scene is over. But because it is a fictional world, how much more interesting is it if the person confirms the assumption and the adds information? They may instead say, "Yes, I did. And he left you because you're sleeping with the mayor!" See, by saying YES, AND then adding information, something fun can happen!

What I'm getting to with all this is that you are the ultimate "yes, and-ing" mom. In the awesome world of childhood, Vaginas are magical and love the color purple. It's awesome.

melissa said...

Yay vaginas!


I've been thinking about doing a really simple pork or chicken thigh dish like this all week. Hm. 20 minutes you say? OK then.

Molly said...

Oh, excellent. This reminds me of a thing last spring, where my son told me that he and Daddy were penis boys, and I was a vagina girl.

Vagina Girl: my superhero alter-ego. I'm thinking my costume does not include a cape...but it definitely has a hood of some sort.

Mom101 said...

I think your daughter is absolutely brilliant and outstanding. She has a future writing for Eve Ensler. chocolate and flowers and zebras and eggplants. There is magic in there?

That is poetry.

(Your blog is wonderful! So glad to have found it.)

Rita said...

Outrageously hilarious Kim!! When I was Lucy's age, (back when rocks were soft), nobody said "vagina", at least out loud. The hushed terminology "down below" was used, and then very seldom. Just make sure Lucy doesn't demonstrate for "show & tell" when she starts school. ha ha ha. xxxxRita

Krysta said...

i read ntsc's comment about pounding pork... and with the vaginas, public masturbation, jail, and magic... i hate to see what kind of hits you are going to get from google.

Lorelei said...

Pork, vaginas, and masterbation...sweetie it's not just San Quentin where you're popular!

Neen said...

Ditto to Krysta -- I hope you share some of the hits you get!

ntsc said...

No, I would still have breaded it. You have your basic pork schnitzel or pork Milanese.

Recipe for Chicken Liver Parfait, 4 ingrediants, 2 minutes of prep time, 2 hours of chilling,2 of marinating, 40 minutes of cooking, 20 minutes of puree and 24 more hours in the refrigerator.

It is up at my site.

Tall Kate said...

This sounds fabulous. I might even try it sometime.

And I was laughing like a fool about your scenario with the fictional little old lady.

Izzy's Mama said...

I will never look at a pork cutlet the same way again..I won't be able to stop thinking of the recipe for pork cutlets and vaginas.

Annie K. Nodes said...

I love pork cutlets. Love them. Almost as much as I love Lucy's vagina interpretations.