Lucy told me something else about her vagina last night.
Which is good. She's one of those kids that likes to talk about it from time to time but she's not all touching it in public, which makes me happy because then little old ladies would stop her in the street and tell her to act like a "lady" and that she shouldn't touch "the bad place" and then I would have to hit the little old ladies with my umbrella and tell them to back off.
And then people would stop and stare at this crazy woman waving an umbrella and screaming at some poor helpless little old woman in the street clutching a cane and shaking with fear and then I'd try to calm down and explain about how the vagina isn't a "bad place" and how so very 1800's corset-hair suit it all is.
And then, someone would hear me shrieking and talking about vaginas and think I was a pervert and would call the police and since David is away on a business trip in London, I wouldn't have anyone to bail me out and I'd have to breastfeed Edie in jail and I bet the other prisoners would have something to say about my public breastfeeding, like most of my readers, and I'd have to tell them to read my blog and then half my readers would be felons, which they probably are anyway.
I hear I'm huge in San Quentin.
And this would all start because of a little public masturbation and so I am thrilled I don't have to deal with that. We just like to talk about it. In the privacy of our home.
And then, I blog about it. In the privacy of your home.
So, here's what Lucy said about her vagina this time: My vagina is made of chocolate and flowers and zebras and eggplants. There is magic in there.
And so I say: Yes baby, vaginas are magical...But what's up with the eggplants?
And she says: They're purple. Vaginas love purple.
And I say: Of course they do, sweetheart. This makes perfect sense.
And it does, right?
And just because I am talking about vaginas again, I'm giving you a super-easy pork cutlet recipe with a sauce that will make you all tingly and happy. (Just to remind you that I can talk genitalia and food in a single post.)
I threw this one together for us and our fun, completely adorable friends across the hall, Missy and David, a couple nights ago and it was a huge hit. Seriously, 20 minutes active time. 30 if you're like on crutches or have newborn quintuplets.
You'll love it. Trust me.
Pork Cutlets with Yogurt-Caper Mayo
Adapted from Bon Appetite
Bread-crumb-coated pork medallions or cutlets are golden on the outside, moist and juicy on the inside. The caper-yogurt sauce provides a burst of briny flavor.
Active time: 20-30 minutes
Servings: Makes 4 servings
2/3 cup plain yogurt (6 oz; preferably whole-milk)
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons drained bottled capers, finely chopped
A little caper juice from the bottle for a little extra briney-ness
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 to 1 3/4 lb pork tenderloin (or any boneless loin)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
2 large eggs
1 cup fine dry bread crumbs
About 1 cup vegetable oil or lard for pan frying
Accompaniment: lemon wedges; watercress or other baby greens
Stir together all sauce ingredients in a bowl until combined, then chill, covered, until ready to use.
Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F. Cut pork crosswise into 1 1/4-inch-thick slices (medallions) or if you have a larger cut of meat, cut thin cutlets, which is what i did.
Whisk together flour, salt, and pepper in a shallow bowl.
Whisk together eggs with a pinch of salt in another shallow bowl and put bread crumbs in a third shallow bowl. (I ran out of bread crumbs, so I just re-floured for this step. So, flour, egg, flour again.)
Working with 1 medallion at a time, dredge medallions in flour, shaking off excess, and dip in egg, letting excess drip off, then coat with crumbs, pressing to help them adhere. Arrange pork in 1 layer on a baking sheet.
Heat 1/4 inch oil or lard in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderate heat until hot but not smoking, then pan fry medallions, turning over once, until golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes total.
Transfer to a clean baking sheet and roast in oven until thermometer inserted horizontally into center of meat registers 145 to 150°F, 6 to 7 minutes.
Serve pork with sauce, lemon wedges, and watercress.